NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES DISCLAIMER: The long term effects of listening to this audio are unknown. Scientists have detected slightly higher rates of panic, fright and free-floating anxiety amongst listeners to this audio than that found in those listeners who engaged in more pleasant listening activities. Dear Listener, Like handshakes or housepets, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up—and down—a range of strange and distressing mountains. It would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire. Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate yourself to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery audio slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket